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I am not into blogging, really. The point of having this blog is because maybe someday I will need this to express anything that I think I want to share with somebody who are unlucky enough to find my blog and waste their time reading useless story or if there is no one that willing to do that, having this site to write anything that I like is good enough for me . Maybe some people are lucky enough to have friends that they can share what they feel- sad, happy, in love- or what they want to do. But not for me. I did have some friends that I feel comfortable enough to share everything but one day they just fed-up with me. Starting from that day I just don't trust anyone anymore to listen to my story. I just afraid it will end up the same way as it did before. That's the main point of having this blog.

Lately I just have more to spill out from my mind but I trust nobody. Let me begin with the recent one. Today in my class, I was being elected by my group members to do a presentation together with other representatives from other groups. We were suppose to have a discussion regarding an issue. During the discussion, I was very excited because I have some ideas to throw in it. But unfortunately, my English was so bad, I felt so bad, I even using the word 'rapping' to explain about rape, what in the world was I thinking at that time. I graduated from overseas university yet I failed to put my ideas in English. Sometimes I think having a very good skill in Malay ( I was a debater, panel for Malay forum, Malay public speaker) is not helping me anywhere, so I have decided that one of the best thing for my children is for them not to waste their time to learn Malay. I don't care if people say 'dasar Melayu tak sedar diri', so what?

For 2 years I had been spending my time to improve my Malay speaking skill and I managed to talk very fluently, I have a very high confidence whenever I have to present in Bahasa Melayu. But what do I get for having such a skill? nothing. totally nothing. No one seems to care. So in simple word I have wasted my time for learning such a useless thing. I might spend it into learning how to speak English. No one will also care if I don't know how to use Malay. I don't want my kids to do the same mistake as I did. Enough is enough. I don't care if they totally don't know how to use Malay. Back in my school, there was an Indian girl who did not know Malay and she even did not know how to speak tamil but it was fine for her. She was even a top scorer at my school.

For the time being, I just want to practice my English. Sometime I can speak English very well but sometime I just can't. Maybe I am too stupid for this thing. I can feel like people start looking down at me. Maybe in their minds, they just can't think of any logical reason for why am I here with them? this guy can't even speaks. Someone have made a mistake by choosing him. So here I am, being the most stupid guy in the class. But being not able to do well in this area does not mean that I am totally useless, maybe I can still contribute in other things. I don't know. Maybe someday I will find my own speciality and use it for the benefit of all.